| | I've come to realize something about myself that is embarrassing.
I don't extend grace to the kids I work with sometimes.
When they try to run away and staff have to run after them, and they're squirming, refusing to relax and give up and they spit in my face and then once they're calmed down they expect me to treat them as if they didn't mistreat me. . .That's hard for me to do.
It's hard for me to treat them as if they did not hurt me. It's difficult not to get offended, and then want to punish them. And while to an extent, it's my "job" to punish them, my mental attitude towards them, and how I'd prefer they serve consequences is far harsher.
And then I realized that my own inner-dialogue about myself and how I "should" act (a sense of perfectionism) too often mirrors what I expect the boys to be.
I don't extend Grace to myself, and I'm finding that I have a really difficult time shelling it out to my kids, too.
I'd like to say I'm one of those people who gives others the benefit of the doubt, but when it comes to work, I don't. The boys are offenders in several ways; they have sociopathic tendencies, they can throw things you wouldn't believe, they can be charming; manipulative. They are in a lock-down facility for a reason.
And I'm finding how confused I am with Grace.
Grace and forgiveness seem to give me the same gnawing sensation inside. I understand that forgiveness isn't forgetting what people did, but what am I supposed to do with the understanding that Grace was freely given to me, and that I should freely give it too?
what is the appropriate mindset that I should have when extending Grace? Because I'm a black and white thinker. It's both a horrible thing, and sometimes a good thing. That said, I either think that I must simply forge on and forget someone has done something in order to treat them the same, or simply not extend it.
"It's all about grace".
That's what I heard today.
So, if it's all about grace. . . I clearly have a lot to learn.
-Press On.
Phil. 3:13-14
-Becca
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| | Posted 6/9/2009 11:15 AM - 75 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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